My mum and my biological father both listened to Neil Young, but especially him, since he was a huge fan. My mom has videos of me when I was 16 months old, and in some scenes you can hear CSNY’s Country Girl in the background.

For me, the oldest song I remember is Helpless. I’m pretty sure it was the version from The Last Waltz because I often watched a video of Neil playing it. I liked it very much, and my mum told me later that I always tried to sing it and Tonight’s the Night. I am from Germany, so English is not my native language and the words I sang sounded like "nite nite".

When I was 5 years old they divorced. I stayed with my biological father. The first 2 or 3 years were ok but then he found a new wife.

And she hated me. She was 13 years older than him, in her late forties, while he was in his mid-thirties. They drank a lot of alcohol. When she was drunk she beat me. He only watched and did nothing. He changed so much.

I was not allowed to watch TV or meet friends. Even my relationship with my mum was crushed by her. I lived a lot in my imagination to stand it. When I was home alone I began to read a book that was always in the bathroom - he always read it sitting on the toilet. It was David Downing’s A Dreamer of Pictures: Neil Young: The Man and His Music. It is a biography of him from his childhood until 1993. I really loved the story of this young boy who was beaten up in school and never gave up his dream.

I wanted to listen to the songs I read about, but I feared asking about it, so my grandma bought a "Discman" portable CD Player with a headset and I hid it under my bed. I went to the local library where they also had some CDs and VHS tapes. There were only a few CDs of Neil - Harvest, Ragged Glory, and CSNY’s Déjà vu and So Far. I rented them (you could rent them for free for 3 days). And I started to listen to them at night, and the headphones were so quiet that no noise would be heard outside my room (the door was always open). Ohio was my favourite song at this time (I was 9 or 10 years old).

Later I started to secretly listen to the CDs my biological father owned. It was risky for me but it opened so much of a bigger world of albums and songs. I really loved the country albums. Harvest Moon was my favourite. I learned all the words from the songs so I could remember those songs during the daytime when I couldn't listen to CDs, and I would sing them in my head. I also loved the American Dream album. It was so filled with Neil’s songs; nearly every other one seemed to be Neil. And it had these wonderful harmonies, the harmony I so badly missed in my childhood.

This went on for about 6 years. When I was 15, I decided to get help and got the chance to move back to live with my mum. She was so happy to have me at home with my sisters Maria Holzhäuser and Alexandria Paap (I did not know Alexandra until then).

This year It's been 18 years since I left my biological father’s home, and I never talked to him again. But I kept my love for Neil Young’s music and his songs.

Even if I never will get the chance to pay Neil back, the love of his music means so much to me. I am proud that I may have the chance to share his music when his songs turn 100 years old. Steven Gieseler and his mum, Kathrin Gieseler, at an Ian Paice concert in March 2024.